THEDUMPYARD

LONG TIME NO SEE

hello. been a while. life has been flying by faster than i would like, but at least that means xmas is on its way! anyway i'm here because i need a ramble today. stuck at home nursing a relentless cough that's been dragging on since my birthday. and i need a distraction.

so.

first i would like to talk about my new found hobby, photography. i'm glad i finally got a camera and everything, even a film camera from uncle mark and a golden half from my poly friends (thank you all!!) so i'm grateful i've got all the tools to start. but lately i've been getting pressure from everyone around me, for some reason. people sometimes say things like, "eh why you take out your camera but always never take picture?" or like, "eh, tab loves photography, she can takes pictures for you" etc etc etc. yes, i like photography, i'm just starting to love it. but lately, the more people expect things from me, the more i don't want to do it! furthermore, it's not like i'm a pro or anything. and when i say that, people go, "must practice whaat". which, i agree, is true. BUT PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU, LET ME PRACTICE IN MY OWN TIME, WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, WHENEVER I WANT. please. did i say please? haha.

yeah. so that's all for the photography bit. now i shall move on to girls wanting to be skinny.

i have something to say to the male race. you need to be careful when talking to girls about certain things. and one of the most sensitive topics in history, is weight/fatness. you may think you're being cute, making fun of a girl's flabby arms, or pointing out a layer of fat around her tummy. now, if you don't have a girlfriend, that's probably one of the reasons why. you can say we are petty. you can say, what's the big fat deal - excuse the pun. but most girls take these things to heart. you make average, normal-sized girls think they are elephants, when they are perfectly fine! okay, sure, if you've been friends a long time and you understand each other well enough, that's fine. but for heaven's sake, if you're not great friends, please do not attack her confidence with your careless jokes. thank you.

hehe actually i'm just being angsty today. making mountains out of mole hills. you can go ahead making fun of whoever, but my advice is, if you can help it, try not to cross the line.

i wanted to rant about work as well. but i'm getting sleepy. from the meds or something. anyway to everyone who's feeling like life is a bore, well...it is. but who says you can't make it a party? :) look forward to the festive season!

and also a thousand heartfelt thanks for all your birthday wishes! and for glenn/mark/yinghao/nick who celebrated the first few hours with me, lol. and pheb/eoin/josh, for your interesting gift. and Y.A. girls, for your prayers. it wasn't THAT much of a flop after all :)

they will find a flaw.

they will. and when they do, it'll be three times worse than if they had seen it in the beginning. sigh.

do you know what i am talking about? i don't really know what i'm talking about. just feeling slightly uneasy at work lately. the dynamic is changing a little bit. then again, i'm always thinking too much.

work aside, i was just pondering recently, whether i make it a point to have fun in life. or if i just sit around and wait for it to find me. then it made me wonder what i consider to be 'fun'. i realised i don't find many things fun. like REALLY fun, you know? like, thrilling. like how some people find clubbing fun, or skateboarding, or dancing. but for me, i really can't think of anything. theme parks, maybe. but how often do any of us get to do that?

if i had to pinpoint a certain occasion i considered to be fun, it would be the recent night out at supperclub - but only at one point in time. that single moment when Guns & Roses came on and we were on the dancefloor. and everyone was singing along to the chorus. it was quite surreal to me, for some reason. but the rest of the night was pretty blah. still don't fit in very well with the clubbing scene.

but yeah. if i could find more moments like that in my life, i would think i'd be a happier person. we should ALL try to find those moments.

i feel like continuing my ramble. cos i am bored out of my mind here. been sitting in this room the whole day. i wanna do new things. but i'm also afraid of screwing up. or not meeting expectations. HOWWWWW

maybe i should start on another short film idea.

bahhh. back to logging for now.

timber.

omg.

i am the epitome of boring.

what a night.

what.

a.

night.

isn't it funny,

that i'm waiting in the office for shitload of files to convert, while listening to Imogen Heap's Wait It Out?

i think it's funny.

anyway. been trying to write a story. an idea for a short film. took a couple days to write, and it was going pretty well, until i stopped believing in my story.

why? i don't know. just did. it didn't feel very special after a while. kinda felt like someone else had already taken the story.

aside from writing that story, been filling my head with all sorts of other distractions. books. music. photoshopping. work, evidently. because every time i stop, the void returns and i get scared. i don't even know where it came from.

bah. stupid emotions. stupid converter. stupid everything.

ha, sorry. a not very sensible and rather non committal post today. just need to type for my sanity tonight. still deciding if i should stay overnight in office. hate leaving things half done. bloody hell.

i may need supperclub on sat.

to fly away would be a splendid thing

doctors today

need to learn to treat their patients like humans.

i stormed out of the doc's office today. after waiting for 2 hours, during which i suffered 2 or 3 excruciating stomach spasms, the doc dismissed me after a mere 3 minute consultation.

yes, i know the polyclinic is busiest on mondays and you need to wrap up each case as quickly as possible. that's fine. at least look me in the damn eye and do not treat me like i'm just another teenager looking for an mc. because i was in genuine pain, but you didn't seem to believe me.

even family doctors today aren't very family-oriented at all! nor dentists. i hate walking a room full of people wearing face masks who don't really acknowledge you, then charge you a hell of a sum for a brief consultation.

i understand you all have a job to do. all i am asking is to remember that your patients are people, not "cases". FYI, you are holding one of the highest paying jobs in society. it won't hurt to be a little nicer.

flickr

updated.

whole day shoot today. brain's dead. so are my legs. twas fun tho.

i feel like a rant. been thinking a lot lately. but these eyelids weigh a ton and my brain's working at about 5%. so ima rant another time.

goodnight, now.

p.s. happy birthday, baby sister.

what the hell, man.

what the hell.